To be present—I struggled with this for a very long time. I was constantly stuck in the future. I was always trying to think ahead. I’d get myself worked up, to the point of causing myself unnecessary stress.I was so wrapped up in
the future that I’d never learn from what was happening in the present moment.
To be present is easier said than done, trust me I KNOOWW!!! That is why it’s crucial to read God’s word. The bible is filled with reminders of God’s promises on how we deal with our weaknesses.
Back in July 2013, I can distinctively remember when I quit my full time job because I was returning to school in the fall. Why did I quit in July when school didn’t start until September? I had a vacation planned for the month of August. This vacation was already planned before I got my acceptance letter.
In August I went on vacation, which was definitely needed at the time. It was refreshing and I was starting a new chapter in my life. Going back to school.
Remember I’m jobless. Although I had an savings account, I had just bought a new car a month before I quit my job. My previous car gave out on me. So I was concerned about how I was going to pay for a car note and insurance and other bills with no job. I was nervous, I was anxious and September 10, 2013 I was already worrying.
Excerpt from my journal:
September 10, 2013
As I write to you, you already know what I am feeling. I want you to give me the spirit of boldness and not to be timid. Give me the strength to walk with you with no fear. As i pursue my master degree, it looks dim as if where the $$ is coming from–scratch that–I need to stop worrying about $$ you’re either worried about school and school only. The job will come, you only started school yesterday. Keep you eyes on me and walk with me.
I have entered a new season and this season I would come out strong. You are making a sacrifice!! No hanging of your head–be delightful, continue to praise me, continue to worship me, continue to pray!!
“There is a time for everything, a season for every activity under the sun..”
I don’t know about you but whenever I write out how I’m feeling that is when I am reminded and reassured. In the moment I get the comfort and the answer I needed. But can you believe I started school the day before and already I was worried. Like, not even a week passed (the mind is definitely a battlefield), smh.
Although I was telling myself to FOCUS on school, I was applying for jobs. I remember applying to Bank of America and Delta airlines. On my birthday, Sept 17, I got a phone call from Delta. Had a phone interview and that same night I found $52 on the street of Downtown Brooklyn at night. In that moment I believed the next 52 weeks I would be blessed. I went to church the following Sunday and sow a seed.
I didn’t intend for this blog to be long-winded, so I will continue with a Part 2 and share what happened next.